Alcohol is often part of celebrations, weekends and social gatherings. But sometimes drinking slowly changes from something occasional into something that controls a person’s choices, relationships, finances and home life.
Perhaps you are worried about your own drinking. Perhaps you love someone whose drinking is affecting the entire family. Either way, I want you to know this: you are not weak, you are not alone, and asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of.
What Is Alcohol Abuse?
The medical term commonly used today is alcohol use disorder, or AUD. It describes difficulty stopping or controlling alcohol use even when drinking is causing problems with a person’s health, work, relationships or responsibilities. It can range from mild to severe, and it is a recognised medical condition—not simply a lack of willpower. Learn more from the NIAAA.
Not every person who drinks has an alcohol problem. The concern begins when alcohol starts taking more than it gives.
Warning Signs That Drinking May Be Becoming a Problem
Someone may need help if they:
Regularly drink more than they intended.
Promise to stop or cut down but cannot do it.
Hide bottles or lie about how much they have consumed.
Need more alcohol than before to feel the same effect.
Become anxious, shaky, sweaty, irritable or unwell without alcohol.
Miss work or neglect responsibilities because of drinking.
Spend money needed for food, rent or bills on alcohol.
Drive, care for children or operate equipment while intoxicated.
Become verbally cruel, threatening or physically aggressive after drinking.
Continue drinking despite repeated family, health, financial or legal problems.
Experience blackouts or cannot remember what happened while drinking.
Lose interest in activities and people they once enjoyed.
One sign alone does not always mean addiction, but repeated patterns should not be ignored.
What Alcohol Abuse Can Do to a Family
Alcohol misuse seldom affects only the person drinking.
Partners may begin walking on eggshells, trying to predict what mood the person will be in. Children may feel frightened, confused or responsible for keeping the peace. Money disappears, promises are broken and trust slowly fades.
Family members often find themselves making excuses, covering up mistakes, paying debts or taking over responsibilities. This may come from love, but it can leave everyone exhausted and prevent the seriousness of the problem from being faced.
You are allowed to care about someone while also admitting that their behaviour is hurting you.
Alcohol Does Not Excuse Abuse
Alcohol can affect judgement and lower inhibitions, but it does not excuse insults, intimidation, controlling behaviour, sexual coercion, threats or physical violence.
A person may have an alcohol problem and also behave abusively. These are connected issues, but both need to be addressed.
Statements such as these are not apologies:
“I only did it because I was drunk.”
“You know how I become when I drink.”
“You made me angry.”
“I cannot remember, so it could not have happened.”
“If you loved me, you would forgive me.”
Being intoxicated does not remove responsibility for harmful behaviour.
If You Are Worried About Your Own Drinking
The first step does not have to be a dramatic announcement. It can be one honest conversation with a doctor, counsellor, social worker or trusted person.
You could begin by saying:
“I am worried that I am losing control of my drinking, and I need help.”
Try to write down:
How often you drink.
How much you usually consume.
What happens before you start drinking.
How drinking affects your mood, health and relationships.
Whether you have tried to stop before.
Whether you experience withdrawal symptoms.
If you drink heavily or experience withdrawal symptoms, do not suddenly stop without medical guidance. Alcohol withdrawal can sometimes become dangerous and may require supervised treatment.
Recovery may involve counselling, medical care, rehabilitation, medication, peer support or a combination of these. A setback does not mean that recovery has failed. It means the support plan may need adjusting.
If Someone You Love Is Drinking Too Much
Choose a calm, sober moment to speak—not during an argument and not while the person is intoxicated.
Focus on specific behaviour and its effect:
“I love you, but your drinking is affecting our home and I am no longer willing to pretend that everything is okay.”
You can encourage treatment, but you cannot force another adult to recover. You also cannot love someone sober through patience, silence or sacrifice alone.
Healthy boundaries might include:
I will not give you money to buy alcohol.
I will not lie to your employer or family for you.
I will not get into a car when you have been drinking.
I will remove myself and the children if you become threatening.
I will only discuss serious matters when you are sober.
I will support treatment, but I will not support continued harmful behaviour.
A boundary is not a punishment. It explains what you will do to protect your wellbeing.
Make a Safety Plan
If drinking is connected to threats, aggression or violence, put safety before confrontation.
Keep important documents, medication, emergency money, keys and essential telephone numbers somewhere accessible. Tell a trusted person what is happening and agree on a word or message you can use when you need help.
Avoid arguing with an intoxicated person if doing so could place you or your children in danger. Move towards an exit rather than a room where you could become trapped.
If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services or go somewhere safe.
Where to Find Help in South Africa
Department of Social Development Substance Abuse Helpline: 0800 12 13 14
SMS: 32312
SANCA: 011 892 3829
SANCA WhatsApp: 076 535 1701
SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567
Gender-Based Violence Command Centre: 0800 428 428
Please Call Me:
*120*7867#
The substance-abuse contacts are listed by SADAG and the South African Government.
Questions for Our Community
When did you first realise that someone’s drinking was no longer “just social”?
Have you ever felt pressured to hide another person’s drinking?
Which boundary would help you feel safer or more in control?
What makes it difficult for families to speak openly about alcohol abuse?
Who is one trusted person you could talk to without feeling judged?
What kind of support do you think families of people with alcohol problems need?
Share only what feels safe. You never owe anyone the private details of your experience.
This Week’s Gentle Challenge
Save the support numbers above in your phone and share them with one trusted person.
If alcohol is affecting your life, take one small step: make one call, book one appointment or tell one safe person the truth.
You do not need to solve everything today. You only need to stop carrying it alone.
A Final Word From Me
There is no shame in needing help.
Alcohol use disorder can be treated, and recovery is possible. But recovery requires honesty, support and personal responsibility. Love can encourage change, but love does not require you to accept fear, broken promises or abuse.
You deserve a home where you feel safe. You deserve support too.
